Nietzsche: Because You Must Also Learn to Hate Your Friends

The dark sides of our relationships

The prophet Zarathustra stands at a crossroads—at the very place where two paths diverge. Down one, he will walk alone to his cave (once again), while down the other, his disciples will depart.

Before leaving, however, he offers a remarkable speech filled with wisdom. Among his words is one of the most iconic phrases from Thus Spoke Zarathustra, later interpreted by Jung. In Nietzsche’s work, the prophet Zarathustra says:

“The man of knowledge must not only be able to love his enemies, but also to hate his friends.”

Jung interprets these words as follows:

“It is about the consciousness of the other that I also am—my own contrast. One part of me knows that I love my friends, while another knows that I do not love my friends. Love is not absolute but relative; it is only relative to the extent that hatred exists.”

Zarathustra’s philosophical stance is, to say the least, intriguing, for it stands in direct contrast to the Christian viewpoint: learning to love your enemies.

This phrase invites multiple interpretations, but I would argue that for Nietzsche, ‘hatred of friends’ is not literal resentment, but the ability to break attachment and question even what we love, so that we are not blinded by it. This allows us to sustain a more balanced perspective.

Carl Jung, for his part, points to a kind of psychic polarity:

Within us there is a part that loves our friends (the part we like to acknowledge) and another that does not love them (the perspective of our shadow). Love is not an absolute, but one pole of a tension; without its opposite, hatred, it would have no psychological reality.

To recognize that I can also hate those I love brings me closer to a fuller vision of myself. Denying that hatred, on the other hand, allows it to act from the unconscious—perhaps in destructive ways.

The illusion of absolute love is not a complete vision, and we can see this even in the most sacred bond of love there is—motherly love:

No matter how pure and protective it may be, it is not free from tensions, ambivalences, and limits. A mother may feel infinite tenderness for her child and, at the same time, fatigue, irritation, or a desire for distance. Even excessive care can reinforce the child’s mother complex. These emotions do not cancel love; rather, they anchor it in human reality.

All human relationships are like this. The real danger is not that each one carries a shadow, but that we fail to acknowledge it, allowing what we hate to remain in the dark.

Let Us Not Be Afraid to Explore and Experience Our Hatred

Carl Jung continues:

“Psychologically, it is easy to understand why Zarathustra conveys that doctrine. If we are convinced that we do nothing but love, we remain on one side and someone else takes on the task of hating: we are an integrated consciousness. We must recognize that we are both—the yes and the no; if we were only the consciousness of yes, another would take the opposite role, and it would be something projected.”

Jung’s point is clear: this is about the denial of the shadow in relationships, a denial that comes from identifying ourselves solely with what is ‘good.’ This happens often in romantic relationships when, at the beginning, we are convinced that all we do is love our partner, refusing to explore the aspects of them that we dislike.

If we faced these aspects without fear, we could respond to them reasonably. But since we don’t, when the idyll ends, our dislike often bursts out uncontrollably.

Therefore, we should not be afraid to explore and experience what we hate—not only in others but also in situations, objects, and in ourselves.

We must remember that if our consciousness identifies only with “love” and refuses to admit that it can also hate, hatred does not disappear. It is merely repressed and projected onto others, eventually finding a way to express itself.

So let us also stop identifying and defining ourselves as morally good people, and try to see that in us there is also the potential to harm and destroy. Perhaps we have never acted on it, and perhaps we never will—but that potential is present from the beginning to the end of our lives.

Let Us Contemplate Our Hatred for Friends and Our Love for Enemies

Carl Jung adds:

“What is necessary for the integration of consciousness is that we perceive both positive and negative feelings. The extension of consciousness implies an increase in knowledge, in understanding. Otherwise, it would be the original unconscious condition. For example, if we look at a painting, but have no relationship to it, we can say that we are not conscious of the painting. It is only a perception.”

It is clear: the integration of consciousness requires that we feel both the pleasant and the unpleasant—and not merely perceive them intellectually. It is not only about knowing, but about living and consciously experiencing hatred.

Jung is saying that integration is not simply accepting the idea that I have contradictory feelings, but living them consciously and forming a relationship with them—perceiving and registering these feelings toward others and truly experiencing them. Only then does consciousness expand, and we stop projecting what we cannot accept.

Thus, expanding consciousness is not just about accumulating information, but about increasing our ability to relate to what we feel and what we perceive.

This makes perfect sense, since conscious hatred, for example, is not destructive in itself; what is destructive is unconscious hatred, acting behind our backs—the kind that erupts uncontrollably.

To conclude, we should also examine the doctrine of loving our enemies: that is, recognizing how much we enjoy certain things we reject because they are destructive or morally wrong. These might be certain people, vices, or habits we deem harmful.

We must see how the Stockholm syndrome can manifest within us in relation to what harms us.

We must not only acknowledge these tendencies, but also experience our relationship with them—how we may secretly like them and be permissive toward them. Then, allow our shadow to express its point of view.

So let us acknowledge how much we hate our friends and how much we love our enemies. Only then can we begin to grasp the true meaning of shadow integration.

---

Remember: I’ve committed myself to deeply studying all of Jung’s work and also to freely sharing what I learn, so my content will always be free. But if you’d like to support my project, I’d gladly accept a coffee:

I also recommend that you read my following publications:

• What Is the True Meaning of Life? (Jung vs. Nietzsche)

• The Best Way to Help Others and the World (Jung/Nietzsche)

• A Transformative Symbol You Need to Know (Nietzsche/Jung)

Sources:

1. Chapter 22 of Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Part One, “On the Gift-Giving Virtue.”

2, 3, 4. Notes of the Seminar Given in 1934–1939, Volume 2, Session III, February 5, 1936, Carl Jung, commentary on Nietzsche’s Thus Spoke Zarathustra.

---